C.N.E.S was founded on March 10, 1940, when the founder of the company Chuck
Norris emerged from the womb. It was then that it was decided that this individual
was the most efficient means of the extermination of virtually all forms of life, and
otherwise. It has been said that the cure for cancer lies in Chuck Norris' blood, but
because Chuck Norris doesn't bleed for any man, it is currently inaccessible. The company
currently began with only one employee: Chuck Norris. Since then, additional employees
have been employed by C.N.E.S to accommodate the increase in demand.
C.N.E.S. currently provides services to over 150 countries worldwide, and
is continuously expanding its coverage. At the moment, C.N.E.S is involved in
projects including the ongoing war in Iraq, the movement of an inconveniently-placed
mountain in Colorado, and the annihalation of the Olsen twins. Domestic calls are
handled on a priority-based scale and, due to the increasing demand of C.N.E.S.,
house calls and operations not exceeding a $750 minimum can expect a 6-8 week wait.
Individual estimates are free of charge and our customer service department will be more
than happy to explain to you the most effective and affordable plan that C.N.E.S can offer.
Our board of very experienced executives with more than adequate training in the field
will be responsible for customizing a C.N.E.S. package that has an internationally renowned
lifetime guarantee, or your money back!
C.N.E.S. now employs over 27 individuals in five offices worldwide. With offices in
India, China, South Africa, England, and, most importantly, America, it is hard to beat
our immediate-response customer service. In fact, in a recent issue of Forbes magazine,
C.N.E.S. was ranked first in customer service response time. It's hard to argue with results
like that! In fact, few dare to. As for customer satisfaction? There is literally not a single
customer alive today that can say that they were disappointed with the results of their custom-
tailored C.N.E.S package. As a lead competitor in the pest extermination industry, it is easy to
understand how true these results really are.
C.N.E.S.: Where failure is not an option.