[rant archive]

[ 2008 ]

12-30-08: For Old Wang's Eye.
12-23-08: Lyrical Waterboarding.
12-16-08: On shield eaters and world leaders.
12-09-08: Hodgepodge for 400, Alex.
12-02-08: Singing a Song of Angry Men.
11-25-08: Insanity is Hereditary.
11-04-08: I can still feel the bass in my sternum.
10-28-08: What you want, a cookie?!
10-14-08: At least it's not "Banana Phone"
10-07-08: Speaking of pole weapons...
09-30-08: Partisan: A bladed pole weapon used in the 16th century.
09-23-08: They really shouldn't give me caffeine this early...
09-16-08: A treatise on blowing and slippery balls.
09-09-08: I call them "Wik Libs."
09-05-08: Speaking of crack...
09-02-08: Technically, crack is no longer cheaper.
08-19-08: It's like Con Air, but lazier.
08-12-08: Colbert was right! Why didn't we listen?
08-05-08: A screenshot is a terrible thing to waste.
07-29-08: Hang in there!
07-22-08: Un-Conventional.
07-15-08: Siskel lost an arm to orbital laser. We have proof!
07-01-08: Not for the faint of art.
06-24-08: Ode to your mother.
06-17-08: Leonidus would totally sing Aqua, you know this.
06-10-08: Prius Hammer, don't hurt 'em.
06-02-08: How I hate the night.
05-27-08: Throw another Brust on the barbie.
05-20-08: The colors, Duke, the colors!
05-13-08: Ooo! I left out the one for "cop out on rant."
05-06-08: Dun, dun, duh-nuh-dun.
04-29-08: Out with the old, in with the...old?
04-22-08: The lazy man's president.
04-15-08: FICA me? FICA you!
04-01-08: Free naked furries inside! That'll get some Google hits...
03-25-08: But how would you get an appleseed out of a machine?
03-18-08: Monkeys and Asses.
03-11-08: Out with the old, in with the clones.
03-04-08: An all-too-common malady.
02-27-08: So close, and yet...
02-19-08: Along Came a Spiderwick
02-12-08: Bridging the gap.
02-05-08: Sold.
01-23-08: He who laughs last.
01-22-08: Red, White, and Boo.
01-08-08: How about a shave?
01-04-08: Running the Numbers.

[ 2007 ]

12-24-07: Home for the Holidays.
12-18-07: Those 28-Days zombies have nothing on these guys.
12-04-07: Paint a heart on Buddha's belly, instant Care Bear!
11-27-07: In Loving Memory
11-21-07: But did the doomchicken come first...?
11-16-07: Solomon Grundy want pants, too!
11-06-07: Of life stories, interesting and otherwise.
10-30-07: Butterflies gone. I'm on to pillows now.
10-23-07: Jitters galore.
10-16-07: I think the promise was "You'll get to see Viggo naked..."
10-02-07: If it's not in my crayon box, it doesn't exist.
09-18-07: Sometimes I hate loving people...
09-13-07: Editing: Serious Business!
09-05-07: The Greatest Debate.
08-21-07: The Legos of Morality.
08-19-07: Ga ga, mama, I doodoo.
08-18-07: I feel like the Q-square in a giant game of Boggle...
07-31-07: Keeping abreast of political coverage.
07-17-07: The week in reviews.
07-10-07: Opportunity costs.
06-28-07: Now you know why I love those Geico Caveman commercials...
06-26-07: What being a Dick is all about.
06-22-07: Hodgepodge, for 200, Alex.
06-14-07: So this is what waiting for Return of the Jedi felt like.
05-27-07: Noticing a trilogy trend...
05-15-07: I just wanna know who did Dunst's singing parts...
05-08-07: "Making the grade" doesn't even begin to cover it.
05-04-07: One part ranting, two parts raving.
04-24-07: Always look on the bright side of death.
04-17-07: A response to Cho Seung-Hui and/or George W. Bush.
04-10-07: Giant. Car-eating. Bears.
04-03-07: Go Schick yourself.
03-27-07: Technically they could call it 4-D...
03-12-07: Oh this won't go over well...
03-05-07: Loose ends.
02-23-07: Making "Slow News Day" a national holiday.
02-12-07: Whistlin' Dixie.
02-10-07: Because I didn't feel like talking about Anna Nicole Smith.
02-02-07: Fear and Loathing on the Moon.
01-30-07: Performance Appraisal.
01-23-07: Could be worse. Could be the Ice Crusades.
01-15-07: I have a rant...
01-11-07: Truly, the penis mightier.
01-01-07: How long until next November?

[ 2006 ]

12-18-06: More Christians Than a Pit Full of Lions
12-14-06: Tis That Time Again
12-07-06: Look! Real-life forum trolls!
11-30-06: Enough to make Ian Fleming create a MySpace account.
11-21-06: Lolo vs. Kirby, steel cage match.
11-14-06: When the penguin has a bad day, Creationism suffers.
11-10-06: I really should've seen this coming...
11-09-06: The Vice of Vice Versa
11-02-06: God, where's Alan Alda when I need him?
10-25-06: Elves are Assholes.
10-24-06: The Million-Dollar Bra.
10-23-06: Beauty and the Beast, now with compression coils.
10-17-06: Tentacles of Fire. Hideous beaked maw.
10-12-06: What? I left Foley alone this long.
10-05-06: In other news, I found my Our Lady Peace CD...
10-02-06: Remember: They're Amish, not Quakers.
09-27-06: Dashboard Confessional unavailable for comment.
09-19-06: Rhymes with cathode.
09-14-06: Just when I get light-hearted, some ass shoots up a school.
09-11-06: Plus if it doesn't work, you can still build a radio.
09-08-06: Politics, shmolitics, I want my sequins.
09-07-06: You put your leftist foot in, you take your leftist foot out...
09-05-06: I keep waiting for Shelob to show up.
08-30-06: Speaking of pirates...
08-24-06: I had a rant for The Pirate Captain. It's only fair...
08-22-06: Please let someone get the Oedipus joke...
08-18-06: What? Every other site is ranting about it.
08-16-06: I like pie.
07-14-06: Like the Sims, only more feathers and less incontinence.
07-10-06: Next I'm going after Mark Jacobson.
06-23-06: Playing Pac-man with your bandwidth, Part Two.
06-14-06: Recreational Substances Unavailable for Comment
06-07-06: Get Behind Me, Phelps.
05-30-06: Catching Up. Again.
05-09-06: It beats sword-chucks, at least.
05-01-06: Still worse than Doom.
04-19-06: Somewhere Shakespeare's ghost is crying.
04-12-06: My spirit animal was a french bread pizza.
04-06-06: Gotta Bone 'em All.
03-24-06: Catching Up.
03-08-06: Worse. Than. Doom.
02-28-06: Speaking of hate...
02-21-06: God hates hate.
02-14-06: He was assaulted. And peppered.
02-08-06: But where is the Mountain Dew?
01-27-06: Because I didn't use the suffix "0rz" enough already.
01-27-06: I feel like a Staind song...
01-04-06: From the people who brought you "Squids on Ice"

[ 2005 ]

12-22-05: The unholy spawn of a grease-happy Satan.
12-15-05: I love playing Pac-man with your bandwidth.
12-08-05: Hey, a rant about Bush! Never seen one of those before...
11-29-05: Because what would a rant be without a Katamari reference?
11-16-05: Bandwidth, Counterstrike, and You
11-11-05: Technically Speaking
11-02-05: E Pluribus Sterquilinium
10-28-05: Or we could watch paint dry...
10-26-05: He didn't do the eyebrow. Not once.
10-19-05: i g0t pwn3d
10-16-05: Seriously, ten grand
10-11-05: This would never have happened if monkeys could drive...
10-06-05: Stop oppressing my culture!
09-29-05: Cindy Freakin' Sheehan
09-20-05: King of Pirate
09-11-05: Memorial Day
08-30-05: More Tail Than a Ron Jeremy Film
08-23-05: Command & Conquer: General Stupidity
08-16-05: I can still see it when I close my eyes...
08-11-05: Why can't not being a poser become a trend?
08-09-05: A New Low
07-20-05: Caloogle, Calay...
07-14-05: WARNING: Serious Content.
07-12-05: The Son of the Bride of the Return of the Revenge.
06-20-05: And I thought it was a drag queen fairy tale.
06-06-05: Homogenized? No, I like the ladies...
05-27-05: It will look real nice when it's done.
05-25-05: Title Bout
05-24-05: Timothy McSweeney and the Muffin Socialist Regime
05-23-05: Star Wars Episode III: The search for real actors
05-02-05: I'd better put flyers up now...
04-29-05: Yoda's Evil Twin works for Gary Oldman?
04-18-05: Have you gotten your Poke today?
04-10-05: A follow-up? Impossible!
04-06-05: Maturity Leave
03-07-05: I still want to see Virgil kick ass.
03-06-05: We went to visit my relatives.
03-03-05: The litany of Liquid Purple.
03-02-05: Let me communicatate something to you...
03-01-05: Dropping a train on 'em
02-16-05: Yummy Toasted Skunk Ass
02-11-05: Named after the ugliest part of a rat
02-10-05: It's Centilicious!
02-09-05: But they did get the girl from Labyrinth...
02-08-05: Pats on the back
02-07-05: Next: Microsoft® Meat Armor

[ 2004 ]

12-29-04: Somebody had too much eggnog...
12-20-04: To the Graduating Class of 2004
12-09-04: And Their Mascot, "Buffy"
12-02-04: Rwanda Drops the McBomb
11-29-04: Yeah, I'm runnin' low on material...
11-18-04: It's Like Blue-Ball, for Gamers
11-16-04: Rhapsody of the Lag Monster
11-09-04: It was as if a million downloads cried out...
10-13-04: Mmm, Bop
09-27-04: Foamy at the Mouth
09-20-04: May the Farce be With You
09-16-04: Just another Big Adventure
09-13-04: Putting the "Butt" in "Rebuttal"
09-09-04: .hack the planet
08-26-04: I'm so ashamed
08-19-04: Half the Percent You Used to Be
08-09-04: Stuff Posing As Mail
08-02-04: Signs of Summer
07-29-04: How'd that Toys 'R' Us song go?
07-22-04: Robots vs. Zombies
07-19-04: It's like I. Ching, only with robots
07-15-04: It's baaa-aack
05-20-04: What the Shreck?
05-18-04: The Cat Came Back
05-14-04: Seasons Greetings
05-07-04: Helsing? Helsuck
04-29-04: They wanted to call it "Fred Week"
04-26-04: TEoTMMORPG
04-22-04: Blood Pixies and Panty Shots
04-08-04: Hopped up
04-05-04: New World Order
04-01-04: [adult stache]
03-29-04: Site News Update
03-25-04: Liberty and Justice for All
03-22-04: Or Forever Hold Your Peace
03-18-04: Pirates of the CaRIAAbean
03-10-04: Shooting The Moral Airball: Part 2
03-05-04: Shooting The Moral Airball: Part 1
02-26-04: Mmm. Popemobile.
02-23-04: Kicked in the Naders
02-19-04: Witch Hunter? This Hunter!
02-16-04: Almost Rhymes with "Palestine"
02-05-04: Hooray for Boobies
02-02-04: Keep Off the Grass
01-26-04: Inclimate Weather II
01-22-04: Werewolf? There wolf!
01-19-04: CSSex Me Up
01-15-04: Recession Obession
01-11-04: Peer Pressure

[ 2003 ]

12-15-03: A Girl's Best Friend
12-08-03: $Texas
11-24-04: Passing the Peace Pipe
11-17-03: Suck, this Series Does
11-10-03: Et tu, Monday?
11-03-03: Draggin' Balls
10-20-03: VH1 Kicks the Llama's Ass
10-13-03: Fun-Sized
09-29-03: $oul ¢alibur
09-08-03: Ass Space
09-02-03: No Seriously
08-25-03: [kick ass tv]
08-11-03: E is for 'Effort'
08-04-03: 3.5th Edition
07-28-03: Mmm, Pie
07-21-03: The Rad Fad
07-14-03: Poetry in a Bottle
07-07-03: Ramble On
06-16-03: The Zamboni Guy
06-11-03: Webjournals: Showcase your inner freak
06-11-03: Addiction
06-06-03: More Tech Support
06-02-03: Cow Money. Moo!
05-21-03: Why phase-shifting white Jamacians were a bad idea
05-19-03: X-men 2, and Why I Miss Sentinels
05-09-03: Southern Exposure
04-29-03: Our Credit Card Culture
04-20-03: My Average Week
04-09-03: Table Top Adages
04-01-03: April Fool's
03-28-03: SP, for "Special Potato"
03-26-03: Xenosaga: Anime with a joystick
03-24-03: Why IE6 can Bite my Ass
03-22-03: Matilda in Iraq
03-19-03: Going to War
03-16-03: The Wisdom of Having Strep
03-03-03: Warning Signs
02-24-03: .hack 2E
02-22-03: Lupin III: James Bond meets Ron Jeremy
02-21-03: Reign: The Pantsless
02-17-03: Inclimate Weather: It's raining morons!
02-14-03: Speaking of Wonderbras...
02-12-03: Like a Wonderbra...
02-10-03: The Dynamics of Beer
02-09-03: Life of Riley, or what to do with a cargo kilt
02-07-03: Devil May Cry, if you take away his dolly
02-05-03: The Columbia Disaster